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Profile @FunnyJohny - cheers.desi - CHEERS! Desi Cheers - Social Time pass of India!!!
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@FunnyJohny

FunnyJohny

Last seen: 8 Days ago

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Recent posts

 Picture  story : #Laughs A blonde wanted to go ice fishing.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 2 Hours ago

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#Laughs A blonde wanted to go ice fishing.

She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.

After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!!"Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another hole in the ice.Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!"The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole in the ice.The voice came once more, "FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!"She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "NO you idiot!...this is the Ice-Rink Manager."


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 Picture  story : #Laughs |There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 2 Hours ago

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#Laughs |There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander.

They were all going to be executed.

The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that night, that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.

The American was afraid of needles and did'nt want to be hanged.

The American chose the electric chair.

He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened.

The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free.

They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free.The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and did'nt want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair.

Once again, the chair didn't work and he was free.Next it was the Newfoundlanders turn to pick how he was to be executed.

He said "I'm afraid of needles, the electric chair won't work so you're going to have to hang me".


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 Picture  story : #Laughs |My computer broke down.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 2 Hours ago

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#Laughs |My computer broke down.

It crashed and burned! And for my AOL, I really yearned! I tried to stay busy...And keep it off my mind.

It was worse than cigarettes, at least butts I can find!! So I went to Wal-Mart, and got on their pc.

The cashier in electronics was staring at me.But I didn't care.

I had to get on line! Check my mail, and see what buddies I can find.

I drew a crowd as I began to cry.I couldn't find the password no matter how hard I tried! I need my AOL!! I got to have my fix!!Go to my favorite places, check out some cool pics.The cashier called Security! I heard her whisper low, "We have ourselves a Psycho here and she has got to go!" Security rushed over.

Not long did he stall.

Obviously he has never suffered from AOL withdrawal.

He slapped cuffs on my wrists and threw me out the door! Then he looked at me and said, "Don't come round here no more!"I feel so embarrassed!! I have sunk so low! To be kicked out of Wal-Mart....

How low can I go? So I'll try really hard now to rid myself of this affliction.

Get rid of these bad habits and my AOL addiction!


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 Picture  story : #Laughs A man has been married to his wife for over 20 years and during the past 5 years he has been unable to obtain an erection.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago

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#Laughs A man has been married to his wife for over 20 years and during the past 5 years he has been unable to obtain an erection.

He feels just horrible because he is unable to have sex with his wife.

He fears his wife may leave him for another man.Out of desperation the man has gone to every doctor and expert in the area.

Despite numerous tests and suggested remedies, no reason for his impotence can be found and no cure has worked.The man decides to share his problem with his best friend.

His best friend gets all excited and says, "I know who can help you! There is mystic and he was able to help someone else I know with the same problem! You must go see him!"So the man takes his friend's advice and goes to visit this curious mystic.

The man explains his problem, the mystic looks him over and says, "Ah, yes, indeed I can offer a temporary cure."The man is just elated, he tells the mystic, "Whatever it is, please do it! I want to be able to have sex with my wife, please!"So the mystic nods his head, does a strange dance around the man while murmuring odd sounds, claps his hands and says, "All done.

Now, sir, you will be able to bring on an erection immediately upon counting to three: one, two, three.

Do not count to three until you want your erection.

Your erection will continue to last until the count of four is heard: one, two, three, four.

After that, you will not be able to obtain an erection again no matter what."The man is just so excited, he leaves the mystic and heads home.

All he can think about is that tonight he will be having sex again and giving his wife the love session of her life.

He cannot wait to surprise her with his eager hard-on that will last and last and last.That evening, the man is lying in bed waiting for his beautiful wife to walk out of the bathroom and crawl into bed beside him.

"How much longer will you be?", he inquires in a lound voice from the bed."Almost done sweetie.", his wife responds from the bathroom.The man gazes down at his penis and counts outloud: "One, two, three".

Sure enough, his penis stiffens into a grand hard-on.The wife then hollars from the bathroom: "Honey, what did you say 'one, two, three,' for?"


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 Picture  story : #Laughs Q.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago

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#Laughs Q.

Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?A.

They're afraid of flying off the handle!Q.

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?A.

Dayscare centers.Q.

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?A.

His ghoul friend.Q.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?A.

I Scream.Q.

What do witches put on their hair?A.

Scare spray.Q.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?A.

Bamboo.Q.

What kind of mistakes do spooks make?A.

Boo boos.Q.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?A.

Because of his coffin.Q.

Why do mummies make excellent spies?A.

They're good at keeping things under wraps.Q.

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?A.

Because everyone was a goblin!Q.

How did the ghost patch his sheet?A.

With a pumpkin patch.Q.

What is as sharp as a vampires fang?A.

His other fang.


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 Picture  story : #Laughs Joe was not a very romantic person, and furthermore he was rather stupid.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago

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#Laughs Joe was not a very romantic person, and furthermore he was rather stupid.

But he wanted to impress his wife, so he took her out for an anniversary dinner and watched the couples around them, following their leads.He observed the couple next to him.

The man lifted a sugar shaker towards his wife's cup and said, "Sugar, sugar?" Joe thought this was great and continued to listen around the dining room.Another table over Joe observed the following.

A man spooned out some honey out of a bowl for his wife and asked, "Honey, honey?"Again Joe thought this was good stuff.Finally, he cut off a piece of his meat, stared longingly into his young wife's eyes and said, "Ham, pig?"


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 Picture  story : #Laughs A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea sickness.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago

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#Laughs A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea sickness.

In a panic she rushed into the corridor and headed for the bathroom.

It was not until she collided with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn't have a stitch of clothing on.Horrified, she let out a shriek.Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly.

"Don't let it bother you,miss," he moaned.

"I'll never live to tell anyone."


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 Picture  story : #Laughs Top Ten Signs You're Becoming a Teenager10) Like is, like, the most commonly used word in your vocabulary.9) "Metal Mouth" and "Tinsel Teeth" have replaced your real name.8) You fight with your hair every morning .

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago

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#Laughs Top Ten Signs You're Becoming a Teenager10) Like is, like, the most commonly used word in your vocabulary.9) "Metal Mouth" and "Tinsel Teeth" have replaced your real name.8) You fight with your hair every morning .

.

.

and you lose!7) Your parents have never heard of your favorite rock group.6) Even your zits have zits!5) It's not safe to say the word "mall" around you.4) Let's just say .

.

.

sometimes you don't smell too good.3) You've gone from "A".

.

.

to "B" .

.

.

to "C" .

.

.

cup!2) If you have to speak in front of your class, you care more about what you're wearing than what you're going to say.1) If someone at your house is PMSing, it's not always your mom!


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 Picture  story : #Laughs A flat-chested young lady goes to Dr.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago

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#Laughs A flat-chested young lady goes to Dr.

Smith for advice about breast enlargements.He tells her, "Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the top of your breasts and say, '"Scooby dooby doobies, I want bigger boobies.'"She did this every day faithfully and after several months, it worked! She grew great boobs!One morning she was running late and she was on the bus when she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.At this point she loved her new boobs and didn't want to lose them, so she got up right in the middle of the bus and said, "Scooby dooby doobies, I want bigger boobies!"A guy sitting nearby asked her, "Do you go to Dr.

Smith by any chance?""Why, yes, I do.

How did you know?""Hickory dickory dock"!


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 Picture  story : #Laughs A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together until her husband can get out.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago

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#Laughs A
farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is
trying to hold the farm together
until her husband can get out.

She's not, however, very good at farm
work, so she writes a letter to
him in jail: "Dear sweetheart, I want
to plant the potatoes.

When
is the best time to do it?"

The farmer writes back: "Honey,
don't go near that field.

That's
where all my guns are
buried."

But, because he is in jail all of the farmer's mail is censored.

So

when the sheriff and his deputies read this, they all run out to the
farm
and dig up the entire potato field looking for guns.

After two
full
days of digging, they don't find one single
weapon.

The farmer then writes to his wife: "Honey, now is when you should

plant the potatoes."


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 Picture  story : #Laughs A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dogs cross-eyed.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago

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#Laughs A man took his Rottweiler to the
vet and said
to him, "My dogs cross-eyed.

Is there anything you can do
for it?"

"Well," said the vet "let's have a look at him" The vet picks the

dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.


"Well,"
says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down."

"Just
because he's cross-eyed?" say's the man.


"No, because he's heavy,"
says the vet.


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 Picture  story : #Laughs Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: None.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago

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#Laughs Q: How many
bass players does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: None.

The piano player can do that with his
left hand.


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 Picture  story : #Laughs NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________HEI

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago

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#Laughs NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________ If NO, explain_____________________________________________________________________________________________Number of years married________If less than your age,Explain__________________________________________________________________________________________________Do you own a van?_____ A truck with oversized tires?_____ A waterbed?__________ A pickup with a mattress in the back?______A condom?______ Pornography?_______ Do you have earring, nose ring,or a belly button ring?________ A tattoo?___________(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Church you attend______________________________________ How often you attend_______When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, andpriest?_____________Answer by filling in the blank.

Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

(that means I won't tell anyone EVER)A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be__________________________________________________________B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my __________________________________________________________C: A woman's place is in the__________________________________________________________D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is__________________________________________________________E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is__________________________________________________________NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue.

Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.What do you want to do IF you grow up__________________________________________________________________________What is the current going rate of a hotel room?_______________Condoms come in A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OFTHE ABOVE(circleone)I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN HAND TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE._______________________________________Signature (that means sign your name moron)Thank you for your interest.

Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.

Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).


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 Picture  story : #Laughs Q.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago

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#Laughs Q.

Who is the greatest
babysitter
mentioned in the Bible?
A.

David.

He rocked Goliath to sleep.


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 Picture  story : #Laughs Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago

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#Laughs Fred
collected lots of money from
trick-or-treating and he went to the candy
store to buy some chocolate.


"You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl.
Fred
thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate.

You
give
the money to charity."


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 Picture  story : #Laughs A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared.

FunnyJohny @FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago

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#Laughs A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared.

He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man.When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren't you afraid of me, I'm evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!"The man replied "You don't scare me, I've been married to your sister for 35 years".


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