@FunnyJohny
Last seen: Sun 09 May, 2021
Signature: Desi Cheers! NSE India Twitter of India
Recent posts
: #Laughs Why do hamburgers make good
baseball
players?
They're great at the plate!
@FunnyJohny 2 Hours ago
#Laughs Why do hamburgers make good
baseball
players?
They're great at the plate!
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: #Laughs I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don't like to interrupt her.
@FunnyJohny 2 Hours ago
#Laughs I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don't like to interrupt her.
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: #Laughs Why are women like snow flakes?? They are all beautiful.
@FunnyJohny 2 Hours ago
#Laughs Why are women like snow flakes?? They are all beautiful.
They are all different.
They can all be cold as ice.
But they'll all melt when they land on your face......
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: #Laughs Psychological Christmas SongsSCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)MANIA - Deck the Halls an
@FunnyJohny 2 Hours ago
#Laughs Psychological Christmas SongsSCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry,I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell....BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...(and then took it all away).
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: #Laughs Patient: Doctor, I get the feeling that
people don't give a hoot about anything I say.
@FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago
#Laughs Patient: Doctor, I get the feeling that
people don't give a hoot about anything I say.
Psychiatrist:
So?
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: #Laughs There is a new Barbie
doll on the
market - FrankenBarbie ...comes with bolts through her
neck
@FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago
#Laughs There is a new Barbie
doll on the
market - FrankenBarbie ...comes with bolts through her
neck
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: #Laughs Waiter: These are the best eggs we've had for
years.
Diner: Well, bring me some you haven't had around for that
long.
@FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago
#Laughs Waiter: These are the best eggs we've had for
years.
Diner: Well, bring me some you haven't had around for that
long.
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: #Laughs A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?""That doesn't prove anything," the woman co
@FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago
#Laughs A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?""That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered.
"Think about this - When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"
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: #Laughs TOP TEN things women would do if they woke up and had a penis for a day:10.
@FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago
#Laughs TOP TEN things women would do if they woke up and had a penis for a day:10.
Get ahead faster in corporate America.9.
Get a blow job.8.
Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.7.
Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.6.
Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.5.
Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.4.
Touch/shift yourself in public without thought to how improper it may seem.3.
Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.2.
Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.1.
And, the NUMBER ONE thing women would do if they woke up with a penis...REPEAT NUMBER 'NINE'.
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: #Laughs When does a person decide to become an
accountant?
When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed
as an
undertaker.
@FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago
#Laughs When does a person decide to become an
accountant?
When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed
as an
undertaker.
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: #Laughs A
husband and wife are in bed watching "Who
Wants to be a Millionaire".
The husband asks for sex.
The
wife says, "No." >
Her husband asks,
"Is that your final answer?"
>
She responds, "Yes."
He says,
"Then, I'd like to
cal
@FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago
#Laughs A
husband and wife are in bed watching "Who
Wants to be a Millionaire".
The husband asks for sex.
The
wife says, "No." >
Her husband asks,
"Is that your final answer?"
>
She responds, "Yes."
He says,
"Then, I'd like to
call a friend."
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: #Laughs |An office technician got a call from a user.
@FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago
#Laughs |An office technician got a call from a user.
The user told the tech that her computer was not working.
She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced.He told her to "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it."About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.
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: #Laughs How can you tell if there is
an elephant
in your dessert ?
You get very lumpy ice cream !
@FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago
#Laughs How can you tell if there is
an elephant
in your dessert ?
You get very lumpy ice cream !
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: #Laughs Does the Easter Bunny like baseball?
Oh,
yes.
@FunnyJohny 3 Hours ago
#Laughs Does the Easter Bunny like baseball?
Oh,
yes.
He's a rabbit fan!
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: #Laughs The Three Laws of Thermodynamics 1.You can't win.
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs The Three Laws of Thermodynamics 1.You can't win.
2.You can't break even.
3.You can't quit the game.
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: #Laughs These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.
Man shoots neighbor with machete: The Miami Herald, July 3 Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes: The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30 Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows: The New York Times, March 10 Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies: The Los Angeles Times, March 2 Scientists see quakes in L.A.
future: The Oregonian, January 28 Wachtler tells graduates that life in jail is demeaning: The Buffalo News, February 26 Free Advice: Bundle up when out in the cold: Lexington Herald-Leader, January 26 Prosecution paints O.J.
as a wife-killer: Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, January 25 Economist uses theory to explain economy: Collinsville Herald-Journal, February 8
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: #Laughs Windows-A danger zone for Fido.
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs Windows-A danger zone for Fido.
Modem-A good way to get rid ofweeds.
Mouse-Something the cat chases.
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: #Laughs He's so dumb, he thinks the Kentucky Derby is a hat.
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs He's so dumb, he thinks the Kentucky Derby is a hat.
He's never slept with his wife.
He says it isn't honorable to sleep with a married woman.
He's so dumb, he thinks the English Channel is a British T.V.
station.
He's so dumb, he thinks the St.
Louis Cardinals are appointed by the Pope.
He lost his dog, but he won't put an ad in the newspaper.
He says it's no use -- his dog can't read.
He still hasn't bought an electric toothbrush.
He doesn't know if his teeth are AC or DC.
He jumped off the bus backwards when he heard someone say, "Let's grab his seat when he gets off." He heard that a man gets hit by an automobile every twenty minutes.
He said, "What a glutton for punishment, that guy!"
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: #Laughs |What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad?It became a daddy short legs!
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs |What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad?It became a daddy short legs!
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: #Laughs The famous general died and his ashes were to be taken to Arlington National Cemetery.
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs The famous general died and his ashes were to be taken to Arlington National Cemetery.
All the air lines were booked and there were no other planes available.
Someone came up with the idea of using a helicopter.
It arrived at 5:00 A.M.The newspapers reported the incident with the headlines, "The Whirly Bird Gets The Urn"
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: #Laughs A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered.
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered.
She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.
The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly toward him.Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for 0 on one condition.'Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.The young woman replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket & slowly counted out five bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand.He looked deeply into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said...'Paint my house.'
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: #Laughs Knock Knock
Who's there !
Ankansas
!
Ankansas who ?
Ankansas though any piece of wood !
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs Knock Knock
Who's there !
Ankansas
!
Ankansas who ?
Ankansas though any piece of wood !
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: #Laughs 1st
man: "My neighbors were screaming and
yelling at three o'clock this
morning!"
2nd man: "Did they wake
you?"
1st man: "Nah....I was up playing my bagpipes."
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs 1st
man: "My neighbors were screaming and
yelling at three o'clock this
morning!"
2nd man: "Did they wake
you?"
1st man: "Nah....I was up playing my bagpipes."
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: #Laughs A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a PolishMeatball Sandwich.
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a PolishMeatball Sandwich.
The man at the counter said, "What a Pollack."The Polish man said, "I resent that.
If a Jew came to your counter andasked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.""Probably, " replied the clerk."And if an Italian came in here and asked for spaghetti and meatballs,would you also insult him?""Probably," the clerk again replied."Why you're nothing but a bigot.
Why do you have to insult everybody notlike you?"At this, the clerk replied, "Because this is a HARDWARE store, moron."
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: #Laughs How can you tell soap operas are fictional? - In real life, men aren't affectionate in bed.
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs How can you tell soap operas are fictional? - In real life, men aren't affectionate in bed.
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: #Laughs A father and his small son were standing in front
of the tiger's
cage at the zoo.
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs A father and his small son were standing in front
of the tiger's
cage at the zoo.
Father was explaining how
ferocious and strong tigers are and junior
was taking it all in
with a serious expression.
Dad," the boy said finally, "if the
tiger got out of his cage and ate
you up ..."
"Yes, son?" the
father said expectantly.
"What bus should I take home?" the boy
finished.
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: #Laughs In Heaven: The cooks are French, The policemen are English, The mechanics are German, The lovers are Italian, The bankers are Swiss.
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs In Heaven: The cooks are French, The policemen are English, The mechanics are German, The lovers are Italian, The bankers are Swiss.
In Hell: The cooks are English, The policemen are German, The mechanics are French, The lovers are Swiss, The bankers are Italian.
In Computer Heaven: The management is from Intel, The design and construction is done by Apple, The marketing is done by Microsoft, IBM provides the support, Gateway determines the pricing.
In Computer Hell: The management is from Apple, Microsoft does design and construction, IBM handles the marketing, The support is from Gateway, Intel sets the price.
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: #Laughs |What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?Mouse code!
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs |What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?Mouse code!
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: #Laughs Q.
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs Q.
What
did the blonde's left leg say to
her right leg? A: Between the two of
us, we can make a lot of
money.
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: #Laughs A middle aged rancher in pioneer days of old, had growen tired of working so hardto build a beautiful ranch house and huge herd to go with it.
@FunnyJohny 4 Hours ago
#Laughs A middle aged rancher in pioneer days of old, had growen tired of working so hardto build a beautiful ranch house and huge herd to go with it.
So he thought itwould be nice to get one of those mail order brides.
Well he sent for one andon the day she was arriving he hitched up his horse and buggy and headed for thenearest train station.
After meeting his new bride, he loaded all her bags intothe wagon and then headed for thier honeymoon home.
They had traveled only twomiles when the horse stumbled, and the rancher got out and whipped the horse toits feet.
He looked at the horse and said "THATS ONE" and got back in the wagonsmiled at the woman and continued on thier way.
They traveled only another twomiles when the horse stumbled again, and again the rancher got out of the wagonto whip the horse to its feet, telling the horse "THATS TWO".
He took his seatbeside his new bride and continued on thier way.
After traveling another twomiles the horse stumbled for the third time.
The rancher got out of the wagoncarrying his rifle, he walk up to the horse and shot it right between the eyes,saying"THATS THREE".
He turn to the wagon only to hear his new bride say "whyin the hell did you do that for, now we have to walk".
The rancher turn to thewoman and said "THATS ONE".
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