#Laughs A new York Divorce Lawyer died
arrived at the pearly gates.
Saint Peter asks him "What have you
done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then
said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the
street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and
after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite
to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's
more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint
Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this,
too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to
Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we
do with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,
"Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."
Each man gives a story
Three men were standing in line to
get into heaven one day.
it had been a pretty busy day,
though, so Peter had to tell the first
one, "Heaven's getting
pretty close to full today, and I've been
asked to admit only people
who have had particularly horrible deaths.
what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my
has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to
As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I
something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't
reveal where this
other guy could have been hiding.
Finally, I went
out to the balcony, and
sure enough, there was this man hanging off
the railing, 25 floors
above ground! By now I was really mad, so I
started beating on him and
kicking him, but wouldn't you know it,
he wouldn't fall off.
So finally I
went back into my apartment
and got a hammer and starting hammering on
course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go
and fell -- but
even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned
couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen,
fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him,
But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a
heart attack and died there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a
pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the
second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being
full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange
You see, I live on the 26th floor of
my apartment building, and
every morning I do my exercises out on my
morning I must have slipped or something, because I
fell over the edge.
But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the
balcony on the f
loor below me.
I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when
suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony.
I thought for sure I was
saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me.
I held on the best
I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and
started pounding on my hands.
Finally I just let go, but again I got
and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right.
when I was
thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes
falling out of
the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a
The third man came to the front of the
line, and again Peter explained
that heaven was full and asked for
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding
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